And then I found The Studio.
I cannot effectively put into words the transformation this particular class has had on my life. So let me just say that Tuesday’s class was the seventh session I have attended since December 17th. These are 90 minute classes often held at totally obscene hours, like 6am. In fact: four of those seven sessions have been the 6am classes, including Tuesday. And not only did I wake my ass up yesterday at 5am (much to the chagrin of my cat Linus who was glaring at me with a Do you have any idea what time it is look?), I went to an hour and a half long yoga session, then came home and had enough time to get ready, get gas in my car, get a non-fat, sugar free vanilla latte and get to work early.
Ah. Endorphins. You really are magical.
Now. Over the course of the past year — originally spurned by an out-of-the-blue email from Sissy — I started a weight loss journey that has, thus far, resulted in me losing 50lbs. But I still weigh 260 and while I am fairly flexible, there are certain poses I can’t do and won’t be able to do for a long time and with lots and lots of practice.
But one pose that I can totally rock is the above-pictured Butterfly. In fact, I’m pretty sure my Butterfly pose has been called “beautiful!” by my yoga instructor during every class. Because I am fucking awesome at it.
It was only the other day, though, that I was really thinking about the fact that of all the poses I have been able to ace from Day One it’s the Butterfly. It’s not so much the pose itself, but the name of said pose. Because a butterfly represents change. Represents transformation, renovation, and revolution.
I turned 30 back in mid-November, making me a Scorpio. Aside from being the sign that is ruled by our genitals, we are also the only member of the Zodiac to have three symbols. There is, of course, the scorpion: vindictive, destructive, and dangerous. However, with a bit of determination (which we also have in plenty), a Scorpio can rise above to become the intelligent and powerful Eagle.
But the most coveted position, and the most rare to achieve, is that of the mythical Phoenix. Born of flame, the Phoenix rises from the ashes, reborn and renewed, much like a Butterfly, who moves from dark cocoon to flying free spirit.
I titled this blog The Year of the Phoenix because that is my intention. Not in a By December 31st way, but in the daily moments that make up a year, all five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred of them. As I enter my thirties and leave behind the baggage of my teenage and twentysomething years, I want to focus not on what I don’t have but what I do. I want to deepen my friendships, channel my creativity in new ways, watch my body grow stronger as it slims down. I want to awaken my senses and everyday find mental, emotional and spiritual (but not religious) happiness. I want this Year to become Every Year as each morning I rise to new challenges.
Love from the ashes,