family, healthy living, weight loss, writing, yoga

the weight white whale

After realizing that I am way more focused on having cute toes since starting yoga (you try staring at your toes and feet for a few hours a week and see if you don’t have the same reaction), I decided it might be kind of fun to get a manicure and pedicure when I lose 60 lbs.
Why 60? Well, that’s kind of my new White Whale.
See, for years it was 50 lbs. That elusive number I just could not hit. The last two times I did Weight Watchers, I’d hit a wall around 45 and I couldn’t break through to the other side. A few set backs, a few frustrations, and I’d just give up and quit and gain all the weight back (plus some, which is how I ended up at 311).
I hit 50 about two months ago and, thanks to the holidays, haven’t yet hit 60. But, instead of getting frustrated, I dug deep and recommitted. It’s the very reason I started doing yoga. I knew this was a mental block, not a physical one, so I needed a form of exercise, a physical outlet, where soul met body.
As of today, I’ve lost all the weight I gained over the holidays plus some. As of today, I have lost a total of 58.2 lbs.
That’s huge. Literally. It’s 18% of my starting weight, and as a means of keeping myself accountable, of really sharing my progress with y’all, I put my numbers on my sidebar: Starting Weight, Current Weight, Goal Weight. Scary? Not really. It is what it is. Yes, at one point I weighed over 300 lbs and was a sloth with a terrible diet. But not anymore. Today I weigh nearly 60 pounds less, exercise a few times a week, and have a pretty healthy diet. And that is what matters. For all the focus on the scale, the numbers, the truth is it’s the healthy lifestyle part that should matter.
If I’m going to take notice of my progress then I need to celebrate the milestones along the way. Especially if I’m at that critical point where my White Whale is in view. So, as an extra bit of motivation for the next few pounds and the pounds after that, I decided to set some, well, not rewards but incentives.
-60 lbs: Manicure & Pedicure.
-75 lbs: Massage
-100 lbs: New tattoo, design TBD
Onederland (Weight <200 lbs): New bathing suit
-136 lbs (Goal Weight of 175): Trip to Florida to visit Disney World, Universal Studios and, most importantly, the Wonderful Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
I have to admit, the last one just came to me over the weekend as I was drafting this post. I honestly had no idea how to celebrate or commemorate that, the idea of actually reaching goal still seems so… not impossible, but I think I’m struggling with accepting the idea that I can do it. Not soon. Probably not even this year. But I can do it and I will do it.
But it’s a fitting end celebration, since that’s what started this whole journey: Exactly one year ago today (I still have the email), Sissy told me that she and my parents were concerned about me because of my weight and health. Now, in the past I would have not responded well to such an email. I would get a little, shall we say, defensive. But this time I knew they were right and when I finally got it out of her, the truth was that my parents were planning on taking the family to HP World for my 30th birthday and were worried that we would travel all the way there and I wouldn’t fit onto any of the rides.
See, a few years ago I went to Cedar Point with family and I had to sit out one of the roller coasters because I was too fat to fit into the seat. I know, right? Mortifying, but there you have it.
In the end, we went to Las Vegas for my 30th birthday and I still haven’t made it down to Florida. Which is why I think hitting my goal weight is the perfect reason to go.
As for my selection of goal weight — which is about 25 lbs over what the BMI chart says I “should” weigh — well, first off the BMI chart is antiquated and stupid. There, I said it. More than that, I want a weight I can actually maintain. Losing is only half the battle and I’m honestly not sure I could stay at 150 let alone the ridiculous 120. Plus? I like being voluptuous. I like the curves, the hips, the boobs and I don’t want to lose them.
I’d just, y’know, like to maybe be a bit less curvy.
Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus
P.S. The Moby Dick cover is from Matt Roeser’s tumbler, New Cover. It’s one of the most amazing feeds ever. I mean, hello, how fabulous is this? Or any of his George R.R. Martin ones? If I ever have a book published I am so getting Matt to design the cover.

4 thoughts on “the weight white whale”

  1. i think this is such a good idea!!

    i've battled the bulge my entire life and i've set some pretty strict goals for myself before heading to florida for a wedding in may – 30 lbs. i can do it.

    i've lost about 15 since i started dieting with medifast in November so this 30 goal must happen.

    good luck!!!


  2. I know what you mean about the bmi chart. My husband has a 6 pack, and according to the chart he is overweight. It does not take into consideration body type, only weight.

    I love your rewards for yourself. I've not made it over to Universal since they put in Harry Potter. Since we live in Orlando we usually go when it's free. I guess since they have so many visitors they have not made it free recently.


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