memory lane, tattoos, weight loss

the peace which passeth understanding

Jill (Lady Lazarus)

The Sanskrit word for peace, it is repeated three times in the closing chant at the end of my Ashtanga yoga practice. Peace. Peace. Peace. I’m not religious, but if I had to describe my weekly moment of spiritual awakening that would be it. Shanti. Shanti. Shanti. 

Peace with the past: Letting go of any and all anger towards other people, most of all myself for allowing me to get up to 311 lbs. Peace with the present: Embracing where I am in life right now and loving what I have, not stressing over what I don’t. Peace for the future: Knowing this is a lifelong journey and the best is still yet to come.

Most friends and co-workers are aware of my plan to get a third tattoo to celebrate losing 100 plans. Several months ago I talked about using a quote from the Buddha, but as time went on that changed and whenever I was asked what I was planning on getting I always told them I was keeping it secret for now. 

Now I can tell you that I have decided to take the word “shanti” on as my third tattoo and it is going on my back. I’m telling you this because I officially earned it this morning. Oh yes, kids this is the one we’ve all been waiting for:

I have lost 100 pounds! 

102, actually. A year and a half ago I weighed 311 pounds and today I weigh 209 and it took a moment for it to register. I hopped on the scale hoping to see 211, so when 209 came up I was momentarily disappointed. No coffee means my brain wasn’t functioning yet and about half a beat later I realized that puts me over 100 pounds. I lost 3 1/2 lbs this week, which naturally means I’ll have a very small weight loss next week, if I lose anything at all. But that’s okay! Because as of today I have lost ONE HUNDRED (AND TWO) POUNDS!! 
It is overwhelming to say the least. It’s only 10 am and already I’ve had moments of grinning like an idiot and wanting to cry and wanting to use every expletive in the book out of sheer energy. One hundred pounds, people. ONE HUNDRED POUNDS. 
  • My dress size has gone from a size 28 to a size 16
  • My shoe size has gone from  9 to 7 1/2 (this one totally threw me)
  • Bra size has dropped from 44 to 38
  • I have lost 32% of my starting weight
  • I am 2/3 of the way to goal
  • Goal is a mere 48 lbs away
  • I have taken up running and completed two 5Ks
  • I practice yoga
  • I like shopping now. Shopping suuuuuucks when you’re in a 28. That black skirt above was purchased on Saturday and believe me, I never before in my life owned a pencil skirt before and now I am totally in love with it.
  • I don’t hate the heat as much as I used to
  • I can feel bones in my body
  • I am in desperate need of a new driver’s license 
  • I weigh less than I did when I graduated high-school

But more than anything else, I have found myself again. I was lost for a long time and I’m finally embracing and owning who I am. I’ve stopped apologizing for myself and am happy. I have a life that I love, filled with an amazingly supportive family, friends I adore, and a job I enjoy going to. I live in the most perfect city in the whole entire world and feel as though I have finally found my place in the universe and am surrounded by my tribe (said in true Grey’s Anatomy fashion). 
Over the weekend I came across the following quote, often (possibly mistakenly) attributed to the Buddha: When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.
Today I am laughing at the sky. 
Namaste,
Lady Lazarus

27 thoughts on “the peace which passeth understanding”

  1. Wow. Such a motivation. I said it before but CONGRATULATIONS!!!  I love that you do yoga, and are doing 5ks. I did one, and never ran again, but your positive attitude might be the boost I needed to get started when I can again. I assume you're still happy with WW? I'm considering incorporating it back into my plan, not totally sold on their new plan, but seeing it's still working is great to see 🙂

    Keep up the hard word, You'll be at goal before you know it!

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  7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Can you hear me screaming all the way from Maryland?! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And, of course, I love the tattoo idea. 😉

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  21. Hooray! I love that you are getting a tattoo too, I am considering my first one when I get to goal, but that is a long way off! I hope to join you at the 100+ lb lost club some time along the way though!

    Proud of your hard work!

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  25. Congratulations! That is amazing. 100lbs is really incredible.

    I know what you mean about the shoe size, except I am on the opposite end of the spectrum right now. It is so difficult to shop for shoes right now because I have really small feet, but they are very bloated and wide. When I lost weight, I was wearing a size 6. Now that I am much heavier again, I am at an 8, but most 8s don't fit properly because my feet are so wide. I can't wait to be smaller just so I can wear proper fitting shoes again.

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  27. I know this was a few months ago (in fact, almost exactly when I started my new lifestyle), but really I'm just smiling so big for you. Congratulations. What an achievement.

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