weight loss

giving myself permission to eat

Last week I mentioned I was trying something a little different in terms of food. After being lost in losing limbo for the past few months and going back and forth about what I wanted to do, this was the first week I actively decided to try and maintain my FitBloggin Weight (as I have come to know it).

Before I’d sort of half heartedly attempt to maintain or could never decide, but this past week I set out with this as my goal. I can’t seem to be able to manually change my Weight Watchers to maintenance, but I can change the amount of daily points I get, so last week I upped them by 2 and managed to eat all my dailies and my weeklies and ended up losing 0.8 pounds.

Not quite what I was going for, but when it comes to maintenance it’s not like anyone actually stays literally the same weight. There are natural fluctuations and WW allows for a change of 2 pounds in either direction so 237 is now my new scary red number where if I get back up to that I’m in danger danger mode and need to scale back.

The interesting thing is, now that I made this choice to try and stay where I am, now that I have the flexibility to eat more food, I found myself not wanting to take advantage of it.

I’ve found this with other foods. Once I really and truly give myself permission to eat certain “taboo” foods, the desire to eat (or overeat) said foods dissipated and I found myself making healthier choices instead.

Take peanut butter. Peanut Butter used to be a trigger food, hardcore, zomg. So much so that I couldn’t even keep it in the house and if I did have it around I kept telling myself I couldn’t eat it and I think it knew I told myself that because then it kept calling to me from the cupboard (no, seriously. It did).

But then I slowly started to reintroduce it and started to eat it. I measure it out on my food scale so I know exactly what I’m eating but as of right now I have, oh, like three different kinds of peanut butter in my cupboard and I feel perfectly safe having it around. Because I know that if I wanted to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or if I wanted to put it on my toast in the morning or stir it into my oatmeal, I can. I’ve given myself permission to eat peanut butter if and when I want to and in doing so, the anxiety regarding it as a food choice has been lifted.

Or, for instance, on Saturday night BC was coming over after picking up dinner and we were trying to decide what to get. He mentioned Melt Bar & Grilled, which is one of our favorites, but not exactly the most waist-line friendly so I’m starting to mentally get a little anxious when he suggested sharing a sandwich.

I swear to goddess, I have no idea why it took us this long to do that but it was genius. The sandwich we selected ended up coming cut into three segments and I only ate a third and didn’t even eat all of my half of the fries and I felt completely satisfied.

Love from the ashes,
Lady Lazarus

2 thoughts on “giving myself permission to eat”

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