Back in July I made the decision to quit dieting, full stop. I don’t count calories, I don’t track points. I still write down what I eat most of the time but that’s mostly looking for patterns in terms of time of day, how I’m feeling, etc. It’s more food journaling than tracking.
I haven’t voluntarily stepped on a scale in a couple of months (that habit was a little harder to break) but thanks to multiple doctor’s appointments over the past several months thanks to #anklegate and #clotapocalypse, I have a vague idea of what I weigh.
It’s not that I’m giving myself permission to just eat non-nutritious food 24/7, but I am giving myself permission to eat which, in a lot of ways, is the biggest challenge. But I’m noticing positive changes in my attitudes toward food. I’m also changing the language I’m using, both in terms of how I describe myself and how I talk about food to other people.
Just last week, one of my co-workers went out and bought cupcakes. I’d just eaten lunch when he offered me one. I declined. Some of my other co-workers nearby commented on my will-power. In the past I may have just demurred or brushed it off but this time I said, “It’s not will-power, I’m just not hungry.”
But despite my progress, I also know I can’t do this alone and need some help and over the past six months or so I’ve been trying to find someone to talk to, someone educated in these issues. Then I found out one of my friends from high-school is starting a new business as a certified eating psychology coach. I reached out to her and told her what I was looking for — stressing that I did not want to diet and weight-loss is not be my goal — and she wrote back saying she wants to help chronic dieters like myself rebuild their relationship with food.
I’d never thought of myself as a “chronic dieter” before but as soon as she said that it was like this lightbulb went off in my brain. When asked how long I’ve been dealing with all of this I kind of laughed and then said since high-school, so 20 years ago. I’ve been yo-yo dieting for 15+ years ago.
Yesterday was our first meet-up and ohmygosh you guys. We spent the majority of our meeting kind of going through a history where I talked about the diets I’ve been on and she had me go through a typical day in terms of food and lots of other things. This is going to be a recurring thing for us and so she gave me homework: things to incorporate into my day over the next couple of weeks until we talk again. I’m excited to see how these small changes and actions have an affect on my eating!
Love from the ashes,