Friday: .85 mile
Monday: 1 mile
Thursday: 1 mile
I’m struggling, y’all. Like, I’m not even going to pretend otherwise. It’s one of those really fucked up cycles where I have anxiety and depression and dealing with my anxiety and depression is causing more anxiety.
Case in point: On Monday, I had my first appointment with the psychiatrist. He prescribed some meds for me, but said before taking them I should check with my vascular surgeon to make sure there aren’t any bad interactions with my blood thinners (THANKS BLOOD CLOT).
Okay, so, talking on the phone stresses me out so I message the Surgeon through the Cleveland Clinic’s messaging system Monday afternoon. One of his nurses calls me back Tuesday afternoon and says “Surgeon says you can’t take that medication.” The Psychiatrist isn’t available through the messaging system so I have to call (sigh) and leave a message, saying Surgeon says no. Psychiatrist calls me back on Wednesday asking if they suggested anything else, I explain I talked to a nurse who had talked to Surgeon and he didn’t pass along any other meds but here’s Surgeon’s phone number, talk to him.
Psychiatrist calls back, he says neither Surgeon nor his nurse practitioner are available, he’ll have to call back the next day but he spoke with the pharmacist and looks all of the meds have an increased bleeding risk, which is a note of caution for normal people but, like, worst.thing.ever. for someone already on blood thinners.
So all of this is making me super anxious which is having physical effects: I’m tired. My body hurts. I just want to sleep and cry and, needless to say, I’ve been practicing A LOT of self care this week which mostly comes in the form of binge-watching Great British Baking Show.
The thought of doing yoga at lunch with my co-workers was stressing me out (I could unpack the reasons why, but I won’t) so lunches were spent eating at my desk and catching up on blogs. So while I didn’t get any cross-training in, I did get some runs which, really, is more important since I have that 6.2 mile race in May.
My anxiety has gotten to the point where, yes, I want to try medication in combination with talk therapy but as of right now, all the medication that my psychiatrist feels comfortable prescribing I can’t take because of the blood clot medication. Correlation isn’t causation, but I can trace the increase in anxiety back to going off birth control in August, which the hospital did because of the blood clot.
Seriously, y’all. How bananas is this whole thing? Literally, all I did was miss the bottom step on a staircase one random Tuesday in May of 2016 and now THIS IS MY LIFE AND OMG.
The good news is, St. Malachi Church Run is tomorrow, which is one of my favorite Cleveland races. I’m doing the 2 mile this year which — while we’re on the subject — was the only race I ran in 2016. So. Yeah. I’m a little nervous, I haven’t run more than 1.5 miles since my fall last May. I’ve had some weird mental block about that distance but I’m hoping the excitement of race day will help push me over the finish line.
Love from the ashes,