I haven’t done a word of the year in a couple years and I didn’t really plan on doing one this year, but one word kept inserting itself into my life.
Zero: The number of fucks I give. Seriously, y’all. I have so much shit going on in my life that I literally just do got give a fuck about the little things. Like, at all. I’ve said this for years, but 2018 is the year when I literally live this attitude.
Zero: The number of pounds I have to lose. It’s that time of year when dieting (or anti-dieting) is on the forefront of so many people’s minds and it’s not on mine. Because I do not have to lose any weight no matter what society or our culture or any of that bullshit tells us. Also, like I said the other day, I have bought my wedding dress already so I’m kind of locked in because even if I were to lose weight, they can only take those things in so much before it wrecks the dress. That said, I ALREADY BOUGHT MY WEDDING DRESS. So I can’t be all lazy and gain weight either. I’m LOCKED IN to that really pricey garment so I DO have to, at the very least, maintain my current weight so I still fit into it come September 1st. That means employing mindful eating techniques and not eating crap all the time and, yes, watching what I eat. But not necessary so I lose weight, just to maintain.
The last two times I was a bridesmaid, it was a little touch and go there with the dress as we got closer to the wedding. In particular, for my BFF’s wedding: It had very tiny spaghetti straps but I have very not-tiny bosom so I was going to wear one of those convertible bras with the clear straps. The day of the wedding, the top was so tight I didn’t need the clear straps. It was like an unintentional corset.
Over the years, I have stressed enough about fitting into dresses the day of, I am not dealing with that when it comes to my big white poofy dress.
(NO YOU ARE STILL NOT GETTING PICTURES AND HAVE TO WAIT.)
Zero: The number of things I have to explain, defend, or justify. This kind of ties into the first one but for all my bravado, my anxiety makes me second guess myself and my choices often. But I want to be someone who carries herself through the world confident in herself and in her decisions and that means not apologizing when I’m right, or overusing soft language to make my point. (When correcting people, I am guilty of often saying “I think X and y” when I KNOW for a fact it’s X and Y.) This doesn’t mean I get to be an asshole about things, but it’s important for me to speak in a way that affirms what I know and what I bring to the table. It also means I get to say No to things without explaining why I’m saying no. (I mean, obviously there are personal and professional elements at play with some of this but you get my point.)
So there you have it, by word of the year. Do you have a guiding word for 2018?
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Love from the ashes,